Are you ready, kids?
KIDS: Aye, aye, Captain!
I can't hear you!
Aye, aye, Captain!
♪ Oh... ♪
♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪
♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪
♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪
♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪
Ready?
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ SpongeBob... SquarePants! ♪
( Captain laughs heartily )
( plays airy tune )
( waves crashing, seagulls calling )
ANNOUNCER: Ahoy, kids, it's time for
SpongeBob's "You Wish" Spectacular Special.
Hurray!
And now the host of "You Wish."
He's got puffier pantaloons than Captain Kidd
and fuzzier facial hair than Blackbeard.
He's America's favorite pirate,
Patchy of Encino!
Ahoy, fellow fanatics.
Welcome to me quarters.
Why don't you come on back to the galley.
I'm cooking up a real treat for you today.
It's calling-in vote time.
You get to choose how our cartoon ends today via the phone
or the Internet if you're technologically inclined.
Now, this cartoon is different
from most cartoons in that... ( squawks )
In what way?
Well, if it isn't my less-than-amusing sidekick,
Potty the parrot.
Potty, say hello to the nice people.
Help! I'm being held here against my will. Help!
Arrrgh! ( squawks )
Potty, come back!
Potty?
Potty!
Where'd you go?
Potty?
You in there, buddy?
Potty?
Potty!
( squawks )
Ha, ha, ha, ha ha, ha, ha!
Get me out of here, you scurvy bird!
( screaming )
( sizzling )
Now, what was I saying?
Now, this cartoon ain't like
most of your "landlubbing" cartoons.
This cartoon has not one, not two but three different endings.
So, when I tell you to call
the number that's scrolling down there,
at the bottom of the screen... ( phone ringing )
No, not now!
Don't call till I tell you to.
Roll the cartoon.
Now, remember, to vote at the end because...
( phones all ringing at once )
You're not gonna make this easy, are you?
Quiet! Avast there, belay that ringing.
Stop! It's driving me mad!
( yawning )
Mmm, Kelpo...
"With one of eight essential prizes inside!"
( clang )
Holy Shrimp!
Squidward!
The sky had a baby from my cereal box.
Squidward!
Squidward! The sky had a baby!
That's not a baby, that's a giant anchor.
Now, go away!
Hey, SpongeBob.
The sky had a baby.
I know.
What do you think we should name it?
How about...?
Why don't you two go climb its anchor rope?
I'm sure it goes somewhere far away.
( creaking and clanging )
Now look what you've done!
We didn't do it, Squidward.
Our hands are clean.
PATRICK: Clean.
Well, I'm going to get to the bottom of this thing.
SPONGEBOB: Wouldn't that be the top?
SPONGEBOB: Squid, wait! Wait!
PATRICK: Squidward!
NARRATOR:
Ship!
SpongeBob, how long
are you going to stay in your little fantasy world?
SPONGEBOB: No, look... a giant ship.
Great, let's go.
Now I can finally give this anchor-dropper
a piece of my mind.
I don't know, Squidward.
That ship has a spooky green glow around it.
That's probably because
its good-for-nothing owner is too lazy to clean
or drop his anchors in the right place.
Squid, wait!
All right, who owns this crate?
Come on out. I want to file a complaint.
( wind howling )
Doesn't this place seem familiar?
I don't know... why?
l don't know. Doesn't it just kind of ring a bell?
( doorbell ringing )
Yes.
I know who owns this boat.
I just can't place the name.
( Squidward knocking on door )
( growling )
No, no, it's not...
( repeats growling )
I am the Flying Dutchman.
That's it!
This ship belongs to the Red Baron.
Who be disturbing the Flying Dutchman in his own lair?
lt's Squidward. He wants to complain to you.
( stammering ): I-I-I...
No, I-I-I don't.
Well, what about all that stuff about him having a dirty ship
and being lazy and all?
( chuckling uneasily ): I-I never said that.
Insulting a man's ship be worse than insulting his mother.
No, no, wait... it was his mother
you said was dirty, not his ship.
( screams )
Ow.
You're next.
( both scream )
BOTH: That was a close one.
Welcome back.
( both scream )
That was a closer one.
Welcome back.
( both scream )
Hey, how come when they act up
all they get is the welcome wagon?
If you ask me, it's...
( screams )
So are you going to try that again?
Probably.
( screams )
How about now?
Uh...
No, no, they're not.
( sighs )
( screams )
Now listen.
( clears throat )
"Whosoever sets foot on the Flying Dutchman's ship
"uninvited or otherwise
"shall become members of his ghostly crew forever...
and, uh... ever."
Will we be getting business cards?
Silence! ! ( screams )
You're part of my crew now
and our job is to sail around and frighten people.
lt'll be grueling, mind-numbing and repetitive.
Just like... daytime television.
Now, you listen here, mister.
If you think I'm going to spend
more than five minutes on this dumpster,
then you're crazy.
I mean, look at this place.
It's disgusting.
Whoever told you that hanging oil lamps
next to hardwood paneling was a good idea...
Oh, now what? I suppose you're going to show me...
Oh, oh, gee, that's very nice.
Oh, what is this, some kind of magic act?
( screaming )
( ghoulish laughter )
( screaming )
( screaming continues )
( ghoulish laughter continues )
Would anyone else like to enter the Fly of Despair?
No, we know our place now, Mr. Dutchman.
We'll do anything you say.
Then for starters, you can swab the deck.
( moaning spookily ): Look, Patrick, a real, live ghost mop.
And I got this hat.
Listen!
We're heading down to Bikini Bottom tonight
for a little haunting spree,
so I want this ship to look good and scary.
You mean you want it to look good... and scary.
Well, I think we could probably...
No, no, I think he means he wants it
to look so good that it's scary.
Or maybe that by looking so scary,
you forget that it doesn't look good.
I don't get it.
SPONGEBOB: Look, it's easy. It simply means...
Never mind what it means!
I just want it to look scary!
That's it!
You know, mold growing on the ceilings,
bugs in the sink.
So, you don't want it to look good?
Get moving!
( rapidly ): ♪ A sailor's life is a wonderful life ♪
♪ A wonderful life for sure! ♪
( ship's bell clanging )
What a night be this.
Crew, howl with me so that we might set the seven seas
ablaze with fear!
( howls )
( bleats )
( yodels )
( howls )
( bleats )
( yodels )
( Patrick yodeling and moaning )
( Patrick continues yodeling )
( yodeling stops )
Eh, that'll do.
Okay, square one.
Since pink one's working the navigation,
it's up to you to find our first victim.
Here, use this spyglass.
Now, hurry up... We're burning moonlight.
Let's see who we can find.
Captain, there's a guy we can scare.
( heavy footsteps pounding )
( blows )
I had four biscuits, and I ate one.
Then I only had three.
Ah... it does me heart good
to see children out after dark.
Pink one, take us behind those rocks.
Moving behind the rocks!
( ship creaking )
( grinding and crashing )
Keep going!
You're good, you're good.
You're good.
And... stop.
Don't worry, Cap'n.
We'll buff out those scratches.
( sighs )
All right, never mind it.
Just jump out when I give the signal.
Boo! ( screams )
Prepare to be burdened
with the haunting memory of my ghostly ghost pirates.
Was that the signal?
Okay, sorry, sorry.
Just do it again!
With the haunting memory of my ghostly ghost pirates!
( moaning hauntingly )
( moaning ): How does he do that?
( both moaning )
Get back on the ship.
BOTH ( moaning ): It's still a mystery.
Those guys are dorks.
Yes, but they're my dorks.
SPONGEBOB: You're good, you're good.
You're good.
( thunder crashing )
( cackling )
( bubbling )
Huh?
( makes gurgling sound )
SPONGEBOB: You're good, you're good.
You're good.
( panting )
( fierce growling )
( crash and muffled moaning )
SPONGEBOB: You're good, you're good.
You're good.
( teeth chattering )
( cackling )
( growling )
( upbeat music playing )
Why do you think the Dutchman
asked us to wait in our bunk room?
Maybe he's going to give us a reward.
Like movie passes?
Or an oversized coffee mug!
( giggling happily )
I've been thinking.
Stop bouncing!
( giggling stops )
This whole "crew for eternity" thing isn't working out.
It's not really you, so much as it is me.
You're setting us free?
Well, actually, I'm just going to eat you.
See you at dinner.
( both scream )
Wait.
I have an idea.
Really? What is it?
Let's leave.
But the door is locked.
And the only way out is through the...
perfume department!
( elevator bells dinging and people talking )
Let's do it.
( gulps )
( panting )
( spritzing )
( gasping )
( spritzing )
( coughing and gasping )
( spritzing )
( groaning )
( spritzing )
( gagging )
( coughing )
( wheezing )
( both panting )
I always hate going in there.
Yeah.
Wait, listen!
DUTCHMAN: Dear Diary...
l've told them I'm going to eat them tomorrow.
l made up some of that brown sauce
my cousin showed me just for the occasion.
Hah! It's a good thing I found my dining sock again.
Remember the last time I lost me dining sock?
I couldn't eat for a whole week.
Yes, sir, sometimes I wonder how I survive.
If anything should ever happen...
Ahh!
( panicked gasping )
Give me back my sock!
Everyone knows I can't eat without it!
Never!
Okay, then!
Uh, oh, give it to me! No!
Wait! You're stretching
out the elastic!
It would seem
we have reached an impasse.
Pink one is right.
Tell you what...
you give me back the sock and I'll give you... three wishes.
Make it five.
Four.
Three.
Take it or leave it.
Okay, uh, three.
You get three wishes.
Wow! Three wishes, Pat.
Isn't that great?!
Wishes? I wish we had known that earlier.
( ticks )
Okay, you got two wishes left.
Well, we still have two more.
How exciting!
I wish Squidward were here to see this.
( screaming )
Boy, I'm glad all that's over.
Squidward, you're back!
Guess what.
The Dutchman gave us three wishes!
Patrick used the first one
and I guess I... just used the second one.
Well, then the last one you owe me
because you got me back into this mess!
Wait, I think it belongs to me!
( angry shouting )
That's enough!
Using my mystic otherworldly powers,
I shall decide who gets the last wish.
Eenie-meenie-minie-mo, catch a sailor by the toe.
If he hollers, let him go.
My mother told me to pick the very best one and...
ANNOUNCER: All hands! All hands!
Time to vote. It's voting time.
(Klaxon sounding)
Well, that's our cartoon so far.
Now it's time for you to decide how it ends.
Who will get their last wish.
Will it be sassy Squidward...
Portly Patrick...
or good old SpongeBob?
My trusty crew is eagerly awaiting your call.
(snoring)
(phones ringing)
So hoist your anchor off that couch
and make with the votin'.
This is your big chance.
We'll be right back to announce the winner!
Ahoy, children, I'm back.
I hope all you boys and girls got your votes in
because it's time for you to walk the plank.
(test signal tone beeping)
Oh, h-h-hey, sorry, kids.
What I meant to say was, it's time to announce the winner!
(blowing)
But first, let's take a look at
the endings you didn't choose.
According to our high-tech counterology,
you didn't choose Patrick.
(buzzer buzzing)
But let's see what Patrick would have wished for
if you'd picked him.
Okay, roll the tape!
Roll the tape, roll the tape, roll the tape, roll...
Oh, God!
My mother told me to pick the very best one and...
you... are... it!
That's you, Patrick. Make your wish.
Um... Wait, Patrick, listen,
I do not particularly feel like
being trapped here for all eternity.
Eternity is a very long time. Understand?
Patrick, you've got to think harder
than you've ever thought before.
(yawning)
That's not gonna do it! Think harder.
(yawning)
You can do it, come on. Come on, Patrick.
Yeah, think, think.
Put on your thinking cap, come on.
Yeah, you can do it, too, come on, Patrick.
(moaning)
Okay, I got it.
Your wish is granted.
(chewing loudly)
Oh, I'm sorry.
Want some gum?
You wished for gum?
Well, if we're gonna be here forever,
we might as well have fresh breath.
(chewing nosily)
(gulps)
SPONGEBOB: Come on, Mr. Dutchman, let us out!
PATRICK: Come on, let us out!
SPONGEBOB: Don't be so mean.
Ah! Minty. Come on let us out!
(chuckling)
That Patrick shivers me timbers
right down to my peg leg.
(clanging)
You were right not to pick that one, kids.
Seemed like a lot of nonsense to me, malarkey.
Oh, well, let's take a look at the other loser.
(cackling)
(buzzer buzzing)
It appears you didn't vote for Squidward.
l don't blame you; I wouldn't have either.
But let's see what would have happened
if the old Dutchman's meenie-minie-mo finger
landed on Squidward.
DUTUCHMAN: You... are... it!
Squidward, you get a wish!
A great big wish.
That's right, and you know what I wish?
No.
I wish that I had never met
you two barnacleheads before in my entire life.
Show me it.
Hi, there, I don't believe we've met.
My name is SpongeBob,
and this is my associate Patrick. Hi.
That's not what I meant.
Well, now that introductions are out of the way,
it's time for dinner.
SPONGEBOB: And what did you say your name was?
SQUIDWARD: l'm Squidward; I'm your neighbor.
Oh, nice to meet you, Squidward.
We'll have plenty of time to get to know each other, I guess.
(laughs)
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.
So, get ready to blow milk out your nose,
'cause it's time to announce the winner!
The envelope, please, Potty.
Thank you, my fine-feathered assistant.
Well, what do you know?
The winner is...
SpongeBob!
(sniffing)
Hey, Potty, you smell something?
Potty, that fuse in your head...
I told you, we're not doing that stunt!
(squawks) I didn't get the memo.
(explosion)
(coughs)
And now the most requested ending.
Hooray.
You... are... it.
Now, think, SpongeBob.
We're about to get eaten.
What can you wish for
to make it so we don't get eaten?
Don't worry, Squidward.
I've got it all figured out.
He won't be able to eat us
because I wish that the Dutchman was a vegetarian!
ALL: Hooray!
We're home!
You did it, SpongeBob.
We're safe!
But why have we been turned into fruits?
Hey, I get a wish, too.
And fruit prevents scurvy.
( whistling )
( all screaming )
Hey, get back here with that!
I'll get you!
( all yelling )
(crying)
(wailing)
Hold on.
(honking)
Sorry about that, kids.
lt's just that old Patchy can't help but get all choked up
at the end of a show. (sniffles)
But the good news is, from now on,
when you watch this cartoon "landlubbing" style,
like you usually do, it'd have the ending you picked.
So, now you're an official big-time cartoon decision-maker.
(playing cacophonous music)
Just don't let it go to your head.
Yup, say good night to the folks, Potty.
Potty?
(squawks) I quit. I quit.
(growls)
Oh, well, that's it, folks.
Right now I've got a little employee management
to take care of.
Oh, Potty?
Potty, get in your nice cage.
POTTY: I don't think so.
ANNOUNCER: And so, we conclude
SpongeBob's "You Wish" Spectacular Special.
Thanks for voting.
PATCHY: No! Ow!